I'm crabby today.
My face is starting to hurt... My sinus' are playing up again... They haven't done this in quite a while so I guess I shouldn't be to annoyed... But I DON'T like being sick, I don't want another stupid infection... I guess I'll just have to wait and see...
My head is so fussy today, I keep getting distracted. But I did start thinking over a converstion I had a while back with some friends, we were sharing... hurts, relationships, frustrations. I remember being surprised with a comment about insecurities, how we hurt others because/through our insecurities. We feel insecure so we lash out or draw inside ourselves or say hurtful words, all in protection, but we hurt those around us, those who want to love us, care for us. We are so scared of opening up ourselves to the love others can give us and that we can give, because when we open ourselves up like that we lay ourselves open also to being hurt. Is it better to keep ourselves locked inside ourselves rather than risk getting hurt? Do I keep my mouth shut because I'm scared of rejection? Why am I scared of sharing my feelings with my friends?
I really do need to spend more time with my bible and in prayer, God may not tell me all the answers I long to hear, but I may stop being so paranoid and scared. And hopefully I'll stop hurting those around me.
1 comment:
Chris,
Stephen and I have had the conversations about how my insecurities can sometimes hurt other people, and I don't even realize it. I TOTALLY understand what you are talking about. We always tend to draw inside ourselves or close ourselves off and say stupid silly things that we don't even mean, but we say them because we are trying to protect ourselves.
This has been an issue with me in regards to stephen's family and my insecurities of never measuring up or fitting in with his family. I tend to do more harm towards the situation than good when I just close myeslf off and not let myself open up and receive the love that they want to give me.
I catch myself everytime and wonder why I don't just put myself out there and forget about feeling rejected or hurt. I'm continually working on it.
Just wanted to say thanks for the reminder and the great words. I'm going to visit stephen's family this weekend with him, and it was a GREAT reminder of the fact that I need to make sure I am open and not let my insecurites get in the way!
love ya girl!
hope your feeling better:)
Melissa
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