Jeni & Rebekah 

Rebekah 

Pete & Rebekah 

WOOO HOOOO!

We just had a great weekend at Shaun (L's cousin) & Karen's wedding in Calgary. It really was fun. Lots of laughing, chatting and catching up... more of that jollity later .... oooh except that at this moment I really do have to state that Shannon really did look spiffing.... and Karen and Shaun looked OK too.

But I'm afraid my fun from the weekend has been a little eclisped (Sorry Shaun & Karen) by the exciting e-mail I just read..... my BEST FRIEND EVER is coming to stay in August..... BIG PHAT YAY! (no offence to any of my other close friends, I would be excited if any of you came to stay too!) But yeah, I'm SO excited right now, I'm pretty much bouncing off the walls. I'm just hoping that she enjoys it here, it is definately different from what we're used to in Europe, BUT it has it's own uniqueness, so yeah, I hope she is gonna love it. I already have quite a list of things I want to do with her, whether we have the time, weather or finances to do it all is another matter.

OK, I need my bed now..... really bad.... I hear it calling me.... Goodnight and God bless!

Clarity

I feel like I need to clarify my last post. The whole friendship thing. I'm sorry, I'm not always good at articulating myself.

SO..... the reason I did that post was because I saw a pattern in myself that I wasn't happy with, and also that made me more concerned about the people we (at YFC) are trying to reach. Not because of an argument with some one or because someone in particular had upset me. It was more me trying to voice my frustration and my feelings. I guess it is an issue that God wants me to face and deal with, because it has been coming up a great deal recently in our conversations. I noticed that in the last 5 years I have been withdrawing more and more, it just wasn't as noticable at home, the move has just accentuated the problem.

Moving on to lighter issues. Last night was great, Tanya & I went to Starbucks to grab some coffees and then went on to have a nice hour long walk. I am LOVING the nice warm weather, it's SO good. I'm looking forward to my riverside walks.

YFC is very hectic right now, and I know I'm busy when I actually start dreaming about my work.... like last night. I would really appreciate prayer for my work, it's not gonna calm down until the beginning of May, so please pray for peace, patience and sanity;-)

Snowdrops, the herald of spring, oh how I miss seeing you! 

What I'm missing back home! 

Inwards

Isn't it funny how you go around in packs when you are at school, you felt better as part of a group. When I was doing my year out with YFC in the UK, I remember feeling a little lost, I was more unsure of myself, there was no longer the pack element and this scared me a little, what was my identity?

Recently I have been pondering this again. Who am I? Am I still the rebellious daughter? Am I the loud mouth cheese queen? Am I still the avid Monopoly player that would sit for hours playing with the Ginger Prince? Am I just a book worm? Am I the aggressor or the peacemaker?

We all seem to have so many different labels, masks. No wonder young people are so confused.

I have noticed that I look inward more now than I used to. This isn't necessarily a good thing. It is in the fact that I lean on God more, but it isn't in a way because I have lost my trust in other people. Instead of how I was 10 years ago, eager for friendship but too clingy, now I form friendships but hold people at arms length. Don't get my wrong, my mouth still can run away with itself at times, so some people probably know more than is good. But when a friendship seems strained or when I have been hurt a little, I just withdraw now. I somehow think that it will be easier than to keep banging my head against a brick wall and face rejection.

Is this what growing up means, to lose faith in people? If it is, then I DON'T like it! Is anyone else experiencing this too, are we all silently crying out our pain when someone lets us down, says hurtful, harming words? How can I help others in pain when I am silently crying too, not trusting a friendship enough to say "Why did you say/do that, that hurt me"? My saving Grace, my sanity holder is the fact that I cling to God and His promises, the Bible's truth.

Now I don't want to give you the impression that I am a gibbering wrieck, far from it. But what I am trying to get at, in my own weird round about way, is that if I can feel this disillusionment with the rest of mankind, when I am a christian and KNOW that I am loved by the greatest power there is, how are other people (who do not have that rock to cling to) doing?

'Holiness, covers my weaknesses, melting my selfishness because of you.... but it's gotta be the right road, I gotta go where you go I wanna throw up my arms and seize the day for you but it's gotta be the right way, make sure that your behind me, cos you are the breakthru light, your my one true side of you. Loneliness plays to my darkness, caressing my vengefulness when your not here, as the pressure destroys my mind, you conquer me every time by mending the brokeness behind my fear.' Daniel Bedingfield

'Sitting still but still moving, lying down but not resting. Breathing air, sufficating. All the while I'm debating. Life was never what I thought, never what I wanted it to be.... until you came and turned it all around. Oh you found the peace of me, it was missing, it was broken you put soul in to it. Oh you found the hole in me. I was empty, now I'm better, all the pieces back together... I was scattered all around, left shattered on the ground, you picked me up. All I wanted was a little bit of hope, couldn't find it. You showed me something I never knew I owned... What a life always trying, what a life lived without you, don't leave me and I won't fall apart, I won't leave you, and it's cold and I'm blind and I would and it feels good. What a waste of my mind , every time, all the time. Oh you found the whole of me, it was missing, it was broken, you put it back together. I was empty, now I'm better since you pieced me back together.' Natasha Bedingfield.

I'm sorry, I'm quoting a lot of songs. They just articulate it better than me. But that's kind of how I view some of my past, disjointed. I'm grateful that our God is a god of restoration.

I love the light

I am loving that when we leave the house at 7.10am for work, we are actually leaving in sunlight now, it's good, I don't feel quite so bad about walking out of the house. Now I get to look forward to some flowers coming out, but I know that the full glory of bloomage won't arrive for a good 6 - 8 weeks, and June is really when things start to look good, when there is no more huge puddles and there is green grass instead of yucky brown grass. I just long for when the streets are multi-coloured instead of brown and white.

Monday evening was the California Breakaway parents meeting here in Saskatoon, so I was fairly busy getting every thing organised for that. The meeting itself went fairly smoothly I think. Now I have to get everything ready for the meeting we have in Weyburn on Sunday. I'm not quite as stressed about that one. Thankfully I have been blessed with Dawn G volunteering to help me with all the Calbreak preparations, she is such an angel and is helping me out LOADS, she is keeping me sane. She is so encouraging, when I freak out and start crying (I am a cryer, so this is a normal occurence) due to stress, she is my calm voice of reason, I love her!

I spent a good 2hrs 20minutes on the phone to my best friend on Saturday, that was so good, I really miss her! What I love is that we still argue, encourage, debate, share and question each other just as much as when we lived a 5 minute walk from each other. It just doesn't happen a couple times a week anymore. But she continues to challenge, encourage and be an inspiration to me. The fact that we live thousands of miles apart has brought a new appreciation for the friendship we have, it is definately a more treasured gift now, I just wish I had realised what a gift it was when we were living closer together.
So yeah, we had a good discussion about church, God, why we believe what we believe, is our faith based on biblical Truth or have we just accepted what the church teaches as truth, and how society also has it's own version of truth and expectations. We had a fairly excited discussion about her moving out of her mums house and getting her own place...YAY! And about her trip out here to visit me & Lindsay (as long as she can afford it). So I am praying that the funds will be there for her to come out here, it would be just SO GOOD!

PRAYER PLEASE

Please could you all be praying for my church right now. I don't really want to talk about the situation because it is not my situation to talk about, but the whole thing is complicated and I know that there are some really hurt people involved on both sides. So please could you be praying for our church staff, for unity, for healing, for understanding and for patience. And most importantly that God's will is done in this situation.

Thanks

Stressed but OK

Time is running away from me, and I want it to SLOW DOWN! I have way too much to do, with little time to get it all done in, it's the joy of YFC.

Tanya threw me a surprise lingerie shower on Friday night for my birthday party. It was SO much fun! Tanya is an awesome friend, it was a great party, I am very grateful. I have been feeling a little envious about other peoples lingerie showers cos we don't do them in England, I'd never had one, so that was very exciting, and a lot of fun.

Monday at YFC we had our God day together and all went to our new building to look around, dream some dreams, and pray together. It was a really good time, the building and the possibilities that come with it really excite me. There is so much that we could do there, it's great, I can't wait until we can move our offices in there.

I have begun to fully appreciate how much I really just don't enjoy sports or the gym. I have known that I don't enjoy the gym for quite a while, but KNOW that I need the exercise so I have been trying really hard to make myself go, but the last couple of weeks I have been feeling pretty stressed out about it (stupid I know). But I feel like a failure for not really enjoying any of the activities. And, irrationally, I am annoyed at the gym for not being more exciting. I'm pretty frustrated with the whole situation.

My birthday/YFC banquet

I turned 26 last Friday. So we decided (like a month ago) that we should get away for the weekend, so we called Aunt Susan & Uncle Earl and arranged to stay with them in Spruce Grove. We left at 9am Friday morning, and arrived in Edmonton mid afternoon, so went shopping until Earl was home from work. That evening Earl & Susan treated us to The Cheesecake Cafe for supper, it was great, Hayley & Stacey were bugging each other as only siblings know how. Art & Hertha came too, so much jollity was had. Then we went back to Spruce Grove to watch Yours, Mine & Ours, it was pretty funny.

Saturday morning Susan made us a really great brunch; pancakes, hash browns, scrambled eggs, cheese toast, bacon & sausage. It was really good! I really wanted to go to IKEA, but Lindsay decided to refuse to go with me, so it ended up that the boys; Lindsay, Uncle Earl, Uncle Art and Shannon (with Stacey tagging along) went TV window shopping. While the ladies; me, Hayley, Aunt Hertha & Joanna, went to IKEA. Unfortunately Aunt Susan had to do fundraising at the bingo :-( After such an exhausting afternoon we all trooped back to Earl & Susans and had a BBQ, and Susan made such a good potato salad, I was in heaven! Then we watched Walk The Line, which was OK, but I wish they had done more about their life after he had cleaned himself up.

Sunday we packed ready to go home, while Susan made us another good brunch with leftovers from the night before, Lindsay was really happy because we hadn't even cut in to the Black Forest Gateau the night before so there was lots for him to eat! We left early afternoon, and arrived in Saskatoon at 8pm at which point Lindsay took me straight to the Keg for Kyla's birthday gathering. I just ordered a salad and appetiser because I had eaten far too much at the weekend.

Then Monday arrived, not only was it Monday, but also the YFC banquet day. So started running around at 7.30am and didn't stop until 10pm. But the banquet was AWESOME. It went so well. Greg had made his funniest video yet for us, Kristin & Corwin brought both Project Serve teams to speak and help out, Kim had some of the boys from The Bridge D4 speak, Tyson talked about Regina and Gil talked up a storm about us staff and the new building. People seemed to really catch the vision, and we got lots of positive comments. It was a long tiring day, but well worth it. If you want to know who all these people are and what D4 is please check out the Saskatoon YFC link on the right.

But the office hasn't slowed down any, oh no, because now it is full steam ahead for Calbreak!

Blah, blah, blah

I am feeling sore. I mean really sore. Worked hard and sweated lots sore. Pushed hard at yoga last night sore, and shovelled a stupid amount of snow this morning sore. Getting the idea? My shoulder sure does.

I feel like such a dunce at work sometimes. I am surrounded by people with degree's from bible college, they have such good hard bible knowledge. James for example, I could listen to him all day, he knows SO much, has so much background history. When he explains things it seems so much more real, fluid, understandable. It's like I have a light bulb hovering over my head when he talks, it's an epiphany every single time, seriously. I love working in this environment though, it's challenging and probably really good for my pride, cos how can I feel proud when I know I am leagues behind in my biblical knowledge.

I do yearn for more knowledge though, but I struggle with my bible. It's so much easier to understand when I am around people like Greg and James, they have good knowledge.

I'm gonna miss Greg, he's such a solid rock in this office, good and calming and oh so encouraging, May is gonna arrive way too soon for my liking (where work is concerned). Isn't that weird, I am longing to go home to my family in friends in May, but at the same time when that happens it means no more work buddy Greg, makes me sad.

And the heavens decided there wasn't enough icing on it's cake

So yeah, everythings white this morning, and I was great entertainment for Lindsay as I PLOWED through all the snow! Just as I was about to really start seriously dreaming of spring... flowers... warmth... someone dumped ice over my head.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KYLA!!!!

Oooooooh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA (for 2 days time, my birthday buddy!), sorry I can't come share cake with you Friday, it's a little far to travel for just one day. But I'll see you in May;-)

The frost in our tree 

Our house in the winter 

The Brits and other stuff

Yet again I am painfully aware of missing something very British that I used to get excited over... The Brits, it's tonight, airing on British TV sometime in the next couple of days, and sometime in the next couple of months it will get aired here, but as we don't watch Much Music that often I probably will miss it. Plus Lindsay just isn't interested at all unless U2 are prominantly there.

Other beloved missed things are 'The Eurovision Song Contest' - a unique show that happens once a year, again a get together at Belmonts which always was hilarious. Any football contest, I know that it gets shown on some of the sports channels, but it's not the same as when you cram 15 people in to a tiny room and scream at the TV. Christmas TV in general, it's just not the same here, enough said. And the Olympics aren't the same either, obviously the things shown the most here are concerning Canada, so I miss some of the British stuff. Enough moaning for now I think...

So Lindsay surprised me on Friday with roses, since Friday was the anniversary of when he plucked up enough courage to bug me at 2am to tell me liked me... I was very excited. So yeah, 2 red roses and 2 white roses. Then we went out to the Saskatoon Inn for dinner and the chocolate buffet, it was great.

Yesterday was more low key, we had steak and jacket potatoe's for dinner with an ice cream cake for dessert, then we watched Braveheart.

I am getting pretty excited about our trip home in May. Work is flying by which means that we'll be going home soon... can't wait, I miss my family & best friend LOADS, so yeah VVVVVV Very excited. It'll be great to have the opportunity to go to All Saints and catch up on church life there. And maybe even visit some other friends and places if at all possible.

I just don't get it

I found something out this week that I just don't get. Now this is just me, please don't freak out on me, I just don't understand... Recently, people who I thought were super fired up christians have been really falling away, to the point where they just don't believe in Christ or God at all.

I have to admit to being baffled. Was everything they said lies, or was it just too hard, or do they still believe in God secretly but have opposition from friends/family/work.... ????

And just to clarify, these really were people that had strong roles in their christian community.

Are we as a community not doing enough or not explaining things well enough? I know that we have a responsibility to really learn more about God ourselves, but is the church putting people off. Are we not putting enough emphasis on a personal relationship with Jesus, that that is the most important thing, having a loving friendship with him and through him our heavenly Father. Are we forgetting that everything else flows from that? I know that when I am truly having a friendship with Jesus I want to be better, to love people more, to be kinder and more patient. It isn't just because I am told to, it is because I love Jesus. That doesn't mean that I am perfect, but it does mean I try harder and lean on Him more.

I kinda makes me sad when I hear that people have lost faith.

Friendship

I have to say that Love is definately one God's best idea's. And I'm not just talking about love in the marriage sense, but in the family and friendship sense too. 'I love you' can be the most abused and misused phrases out there, but that's usually in the dating sense. But do we say it enough to our friends and family?

Now most of you that know me, know that I am Miss Mushy, I am very sentimental... The Cheese Queen! I seem to go from normal "Hi, how are you?" to out and out mushy "Aww sweety, I love you!", friends back home used to laugh at me, but I'm hoping they knew that I did mean it.

I sometimes wonder how important friendships should actually be. I know that as a body of believers we should be encouraging, supporting and loving each other. But how much does God want us to put a big emphasis on it??? Do we rely too much on out friends, do we trust them more than God, do we listen more to their wisdom instead of Gods word? I guess these are all questions I'm challenging myself with.

One thing that I am learning though, is that I can't be friends with everyone, there just isn't time. I love making friends, but it is so hard to make time to see everyone, doesn't that just SUCK! I know that Lindsay & I both have drifted from people that are/were important to us, and I know that as we get older we will all change and we will just naturally not see as much of different people, but it still makes me sad.

Is it weird to grieve for lost friendships?

You've got the Love

I love this song by Source Feat. Candi Staton, it is such a classic, and recently I've heard an updated version on Radio 1, not a remake just a remixed version, and it is just AWESOME. But I love the lyrics, I can totally relate to them.

Sometimes I feel like
Throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you

Sometimes I feel like saying
Lord I just don't care
But you've got the love I need To see me through

Sometimes it seems that
The going is just too rough
And things go wrong No matter what I do
Now and then I feel That life is just too much
But you've got the love I need to see me through

Sometimes I feel like Throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying Lord I just don't care
But you've got the love I need To see me through

Time after time I say oh Lord whats the use
Time after time I say this just won't do,
but Sooner or later in life the things you love you loose,
Just like before i know i'll call on you

Occasionally my thoughts are brave and friends are few
Occasionally I cry out Lord what must I do
Occasionally I call up Master make me new
You've got the love I need to see me through

Sometimes I feel like Throwing my hands up in the air I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying Lord I just don't care
But you've got the love I need To see me through

Quiz time

[A is for age]: 25
[B is for booze of choice]: Strongbow.
[C is for career:] Executive Directors Assistant, so basically office admin stuff.
[D is for your dog's name:] My mum has a dog called Millie, but we used to have a very adorable Border Terrier cross Lakeland called Brandy, but we had to put him down when I was 15 cos he went senile.
[E is for essential items you use everyday:] Shower gel, toothpaste & brush, hair brush, clothes, deoderant, moisturiser.
[F is for favorite song(s) at the moment:] Spies by Coldplay, I'm not ashamed of the Gospel by Deliriou5?, Please forgive me by David Gray, Discotheque by U2, Destiny by Zero7, Honest questions by Daniel Bedingfield, Peace of Me by Natasha Bedingfield.. I could go on but think you'd get bored.
[G is for favorite games:] Monopoly, Full House, Dutch Blitz, Skip-bo, Extreme Uno, Rumoli, The Bean Game.
[H is for hometown:] In Canada it is Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. In the UK it is Eaglescliffe, Teesside, North East England.
[I is for instruments you play:] I used to play the violin, piano and percussion
[J is for jam or jelly you like:] My Grandma Jennings' strawberry jam was the best, nothing else will ever taste as good as hers.
[K is for kids:] Eventually.
[L is for last kiss:] This morning when I dropped Lindsay off at work.
[M is for most admired trait:] In me or in others? In others it's definately honesty.
[N is for name of your crush:] Lindsay Scott Unger, I have absolutely no qualms about saying that I have a HOT husband, hot, hot, hot, he's a hottie! It's very simple.
[O is for overnight hospital stays:] None that I can remember.
[P is for phobias:] Spiders.
[Q is for quotes you like:] "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!" Monty Python's Life of Brian. "I am The Way, The Truth and The Life, no-one comes to The Father except through me." Jesus Christ.
[R is for biggest regret:] Putting my BIG FAT FOOT continuously in my mouth.
[S is for sweets of your choice:] Galazy chocolate, Fruit Gums, Milky bar, Black bullets.
[T is for time you wake up:] Between 6.20am & 6.45am depending on if I hear L get up.
[U is for underwear:] I have plenty thanks.
[V is for vegetables you love:] Freshly podded pea's, corn on the cob, peppers, mushrooms, courgette (zuchini), garlic, onions.
[W is for worst habit:] I don't even want to admit what it is thank you.
[X is for x-rays you've had:] Mouth, head (when I slid on the ice... ON MY FACE)
[Y is for yummy food you make:] Roast chicken dinner, Toad in the hole, potato wedges, Crunchy Cream with Bailey's in a meringue nest.
[Z is for zoo's:] Apparently I've been to London zoo, but I don't remember it cos I was a baby.

Another retreat

So I was in Manitoba last Wednesday to Friday on a work retreat. It was OK, just a lot of travelling for the amount of time. But it was good to meet other YFC staff.
We babysat Daniel and Steven during the day on Saturday, that's always fun. Then went over to Randy & Andrea's in the evening to drink their home made wine, and play Scene It & Sequence.
Sunday was a really lazy day where we really didn't do too much apart from just being together, then we headed over to Wes & Diane's for the evening for Wes' birthday, we ate chinese and had an ice cream cake for dessert, it was great, I love hanging out at their place. Wes & Lindsay were meant to be watching the NFL game but got distracted by Daniel wanting to play XBox, so I think they only got to watch half an hour at the most. What a shame.

Things to look forward to this week:
Lunch with Kristin & Melissa.
Life group at ours tonight.
CATCHING UP WITH TANYA...missed ya!
Yoga Tuesday night.
Phil & Shelly's wedding Saturday.
Hanging out with friends Sunday afternoon.

Great weekend

We had a great weekend. Friday night we stayed in and just watched a movie, and snuggled, it was great, I love just vegging out with my husband, he's so goofy, he makes me laugh until my stomach hurts.... just around me though... no one else.

Saturday me & Tanya went to our ball class at the gym, fun but definately harder this week (or are we just out of shape again??).
Then me & Linds went shopping. Now there is something about my husband I need to explain here. He is very picky about clothing, I very rarely will just randomly buy him something unless I am ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that he will like it, because it will go back faster than you will believe. Shirts are the worst, no stripes, no patterns, no checks... NOTHING, or pretty much nothing. So you can understand why I almost fainted on Saturday when he picked out a STRIPED shirt, I was ecstatic! And he looks pretty hot in it to boot. So he got a new Gap shirt and Gap jeans, he looked mighty fine when we went out that night.
Talking of going out that night... we were taken to The Keg for dinner on Saturday night. For Brits back home it's like being taken to Chadwick's in Yarm. So yeah, we have some awesome friends who took us out for a EXTREMELY good dinner. I had an 8oz steak, rolled in pecans with goats cheese, with red wine and shallot sauce, accompanied by garlic mash and sauteed mushrooms. I was in heaven. Afterwards we went to a friends h0use and finished the night playing this hilarious game called Apples to Apples (I think), it was an awesome evening.

Sunday I was in the baby nursery, and we were rushed off our feet let me tell you. We had Landon and.... that was it, just Landon, and he is ADORABLE. So yeah, that was easy and very fun. Then we went for church lunch to Moxie's, and I had the Western Veggie burger, which tastes SO GOOD! Then in the evening we went with some friends to Jerry's for some gelato. So I got to eat some awesome food this weekend.

Surprise lunch date

My good friend Rochelle called me at 11am this morning to as if I was available to go to lunch with her, and I was very pleased to say yes. When she got here I discoved that she had never been to Keo's, so we went there, such a hardship.....NOT! I love the food there, it actually rivals my affections for Ding Dongs.

Sorry T, that's twice I've been there without you. And the girl there is starting to remember what we order!!! Last week Kristin ordered the green curry and she thought I was the one that always ordered that, and today she was like "isn't this the second time this week (that you've been here)" and I was like "no, but I was here late last week". She's getting used to us;-)

It's tagging time again

7 Things I would like to do before I die:
1. Have children
2. Go back to Greece
3. Visit Italy
4. See the mountains
5. Visit my brothers house
6. Go on a cruise
7. Spend a week in the Lake District

7 Things I can't do (yet):
1. Speak a foreign language
2. Draw or paint
3. Give up my bad habits
4. Forgive the way I know I should
5. Sports
6. Keep my house tidy
7. Impressions

7 Things that attract me to Blogging:
1. People from home being able to have a more intimate view of my everyday life.
2. Being able to put my thoughts down, and make more sense of them.
3. Share exciting thoughts when I have them.
4. Share photo's with family from home.
5. People being able to leave comments on what they think.
6. I love reading other people's (I'm nosy)
7. It's interesting to read what you were thinking a year ago.

7 Things I say most often:
1. I love you!
2. I miss you!
3. Have a good day!
4. Sweety, can you ....?
5. Good Morning/Good Afternoon Youth For Christ.
6. That boy!
7. Hey handsome.

7 Books I love:
1. Mark of the Lion series - Francine Rivers
2. The Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
3. Katherine - Anya Seton
4. The Belgaraid & Mallorean series - David Eddings
5. Anything by Terry Pratchet
6. Harry Potter books
7. The Bible of course

7 Movies I watch Over and Over:
1. The Sound of Music
2. Elizabeth
3. Grease
4. 10 Things I Hate About You
5. Cinderella
6. The Matrix
7. Gone With The Wind

7 People I want to join in too (you've been tagged!):
1. Tanya Lemke
2. Mark Tuma
3. Helen Boutell
4. Allison Longueil
5. Nevada McKenzie
6. John Benton
7. Helen Varley

Musing

I'm crabby today.

My face is starting to hurt... My sinus' are playing up again... They haven't done this in quite a while so I guess I shouldn't be to annoyed... But I DON'T like being sick, I don't want another stupid infection... I guess I'll just have to wait and see...

My head is so fussy today, I keep getting distracted. But I did start thinking over a converstion I had a while back with some friends, we were sharing... hurts, relationships, frustrations. I remember being surprised with a comment about insecurities, how we hurt others because/through our insecurities. We feel insecure so we lash out or draw inside ourselves or say hurtful words, all in protection, but we hurt those around us, those who want to love us, care for us. We are so scared of opening up ourselves to the love others can give us and that we can give, because when we open ourselves up like that we lay ourselves open also to being hurt. Is it better to keep ourselves locked inside ourselves rather than risk getting hurt? Do I keep my mouth shut because I'm scared of rejection? Why am I scared of sharing my feelings with my friends?

I really do need to spend more time with my bible and in prayer, God may not tell me all the answers I long to hear, but I may stop being so paranoid and scared. And hopefully I'll stop hurting those around me.

The aftermath

Well the busy family season is over, it was great fun but tiring, I'm hoping next year that it will be a little more spread out.

I got some great pressies, english show DVD's, foot spa, England football shirt for me, Newcastle United football shirt for Lindsay, board games, hair straightners... the list goes on, I was very happy, we were well and truly blessed by loved ones this year.

Steven and Daniel were entertaining as ever during the holidays, I think Daniel was sick of getting bugged by his aunt and uncle by the 27th. And I heard funny stories of Ben from Mum and Bob. I even got to have a short conversation with him on Jan 2nd after I heard Bob asking him who went away on big aeroplanes 'Aunty Ciss Daddy', telling me he had 'cars Aunty Ciss' when prompted by Marie-Ann about his Christmas presents from 'Granny English' (my Mum). I miss watching him grow up, but am glad that Bob and Marie-Ann talk with him about us, and show him pictures. I'm looking forward to the longer conversations with him when he is older.

New Years was fun at Ryan & Allisons, I LOVE how pregnant Al is beginning to look. I am so excited for her, she is just GLOWING!

And Julie (L's cousin)& Gerrard are visiting from Ireland right now, showing off Oscar (who is adorable!). We got to have breakfast with them and some of the Unger family on News Years Eve, and we're hoping to see them Sunday evening too.

Back at work now, I'm bracing myself for the onslaught of preperations for Calbreak and our annual banquet. We're so busy here... and I remember getting so stressed Feb/Mar time last year, please pray for me, I stress out far too easily and I need to learn to control it, because otherwise I LOVE this job. And please continue to pray for Youth For Christ as a whole, remember the bigger picture, we yearn to bring Christ's light in to these young peoples lives, and to help equip them to love and serve others. I know that I can feel so unworthy, and I know that as a team sometimes we can all feel so inadequate of the task that God has given us, pray we lean on Him and not ourselves, that we are drawn closer to Him and in that process draw others closer too.

Along the lines of loving my Saviour, I am rereading the Mark of the Lion series written by Francine Rivers and encourage you to read these books. They are just inspirational. Set in the Roman Empire they are a story about new Christians, and the persecution they endured at that time. AWESOME! SERIOUSLY! How fresh Jesus was in their minds, and how new the scriptures were. They had men in their midsts who had walked with Christ. It shows how turbulent those times were, how being a christian was seen as being offensive to society, they fed our brothers and sisters in Christ to Lions as sport. My heart breaks reading this fiction that was inspired by true stories from those times. Read them, Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers. And then ask yourself, how much do I love my saviour? Enough to die? Enough to love my enemy? Enough to live with less comfort to feed others? Are we, as THE church, the family of Christ, truly loving Jesus and serving Him faithfully or are we just giving lip service? Are we truly loving and serving each other and those in our communities? I'm praying we are ... and then some. And if we're not I'm praying for hearts, eyes and ears to be opened to those whom Jesus loves... the whole world... are we ready?

3 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS

SO EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS!!! God has been really talking with me about His miracles, and Christmas is a HUGE one. He was a BABY, I know I've said this a lot to some people recently, but have we really grasped this. God was a BABY, God the almighty, powerful, majestic, was a BABY. He reduced Himself to this defenceless child, all because He LOVES us. I am SO unworthy, and even though I am VERY grateful, I know I can never be grateful enough, can never do enough, which makes His love so much more.... so big, so huge, so unexplainable. How I love Him.

On to the trivial...

Can you over sleep. Really... can you sleep too much? I love it, sleep is so good, I really do love my nice warm, comfy bed! Last night was great, I stumbled up to my bed just before 8.45pm, and was asleep AT 8.45pm. I'm such an old granny.

So me & Tanya exchanged gifts last night ... she got me a YOGA MAT. I was so excited, no more doing yoga with my bare feet on the freezing cold gym floor! No more downward dog with my hands going numb! So now I just need to buy one of those gym exercise balls (it's a big ball that you do exercises with, and you can sit on and get good posture) to take to my Saturday class.


Back to the not so trivial:
I have just been talking with one of my colleagues, and I really feel the need for prayer. We have a young man, who has been blessed since September by being able to attend a christian boarding school. Now before this school, he really struggled with attendance (skipped school a LOT) and passing his classes. Since he has been there he has been flourishing, he has passed his classes, and it has made a huge difference to him and his relationship with God. Unfortunately his mum has been made redundant, and now if he wants to continue his schooling at this school, he needs to fundraise $3500. Please could you pray for this situation, and if you can help, please contact me.

Dan the man, spinning his discs (he's actually really good!) 

Daniel (don't we have the cutest nephews??) 

Me & Steven 

Ryan bashing pumpkins @ Pumpkin Smash 

Daryl being a goof again 

My Bro and Ben 

Sad times

My Grandma died on the 3rd of December so I flew home on the 4th. Last week was a busy week, I didn't really have time to notice jet lag, we had too much to sort out. The Funeral went as well as it could, with lots of good memories being shared, and I heard things that I never knew about my Grandparents, which was great. Grandma was 88, and had lived a good long life. She will be remembered for her wonderful cooking, her letter writing, her knitting, her clothes making and the very funny cute little gesture she did where she would breathe 'Oh' and put her finger just in front of her mouth, I doubt she even realised she was doing it half the time, she did it when we told her we were getting married, and when Bob & Marie-Ann told her they were going to have a baby, they were the major times I remember her doing it.
During that week I did get the opportunity to see/contact some friends, not as many as I would have liked, but then things were manic. So I was blessed with a good long chat with my best friend Hannah who I miss so much, and went for drinks with some of the lads from church (which only really happened because Lee was on MSN one night and he rounded the others up for me). And I got to spend some time with my Dad.
Understandabley I was very excited to spend some time with my nephew Ben, in his 23months alive, this was the second time that I saw him. He is SO MUCH FUN! And he has a very cute irish accent. So I stocked up on cuddles and giggles, enough to see me thru to May.
Please remember my family in your prayers this Christmas as we miss the presence of loved ones.

Snowflakes

Winter is definately not my favourite time of year, infact it really is my LEAST favourite. I DO NOT LIKE the slippy icy roads, how cold it gets, or the possibility of frozen fingers/toes/noses etc.... BUT I do snowflakes, not piled high at the side of the road, but when it drifts down and lands on the windscreen, where you can actually see the beautiful pattern on it, Gods own personal lace. I love how He does that, makes something that will melt eventually, in a second or in a month, but works on it to give it the exquisite detail it has. SO BEAUTIFUL! How can we doubt Him, His heart, His very existence when there is so much beauty, so much detail, the fact our very planet is in harmony the way it is. How seeds become trees, how there is night and day. how our bodies even know how to work. The miracle of a baby! I can NOT doubt when I really think of all the wonders there are in every day life, and to think He LOVES ME!!! WOW! I can't wait for Christmas, to celebrate how He sent His Son, who would give His all for us.

All praise to Jesus, our Redeemer. All Honour, power and glory to His Father who is the Mighty Judge. My Father I love you.

It's my day off

I love when you get to take a day off. And it's OK to not do much. Today I have lots to do, but all fun stuff so that's OK. I'm meeting Melissa for lunch at Ding Dongs....YAY, the food is SO GOOD there. Then we are going shopping for christmas pressies. Tonight I have the gym, then a PartyLite party at Allisons. All FUN.
Monday Gil, James, Daryl, Tim & I travelled down to Regina to help with the Regina YFC banquet. Boy was that a long day, but it was really good. Tyson, Gil & James really shared their passion and vision for YFC and what YFC can bring to Regina, and people seriously seemed excited about this ministry, it was great.
Tuesday night was meant to be Yoga, but as I was rushing to get to my car to go pick up Tanya and Erica, I slipt on some steps and whacked my shin and knee. I put lots of cold stuff from the freezer on to my leg for the rest of the night, so up until now there hasn't been too much bruising, but it's starting to show thru now. It's fairly sore to say the least.
I'm in the middle of reading a couple of books which is weird for me, I prefere to read one thing at a time normally, but I'm reading War and Peace, which you need to be patient with. And Gil gave us an assignment at work to read a book from a list he had put together, so I am also reading The Sacred Romance, which is really making me think...not sure how to put my thoughts in to words right now, but watch this space.

New beginnings and slow finishes

It is the morning of Uncle Art's wedding. At 4pm his wedding to Hertha will start. I'm quite looking forward to it, Art is a really lovely man, and always makes me laugh, it should be a fun wedding.

But, I started my day on the phone to my Mum. My Grandma had a stroke on Wednesday and I've been waiting for news about what is actually happening. My Mum tried to explain things to me, but I don't really understand much of it, I'm just glad that Mum understands it, being a nurse is helpful in these situations.
It was only a mild stroke, but my Grandma is 88 years old so we'll just have to wait and see how badly this has effected her. So Grandma is in North Tees, and it sounds like she may be there for quite a while depending on her progress and if they can find a suitable facility that has room for her. Her dementia got hugely worse after the stroke, Mum says that she doesn't always recognise her, and she doesn't recognise Sue (my sister) at all. It's pretty heartbreaking. When she talks you can never tell if she is thinking of now, or if she thinks its still the war.
My Grandma has been slowly drifting away from us, I am praying that the Lord will grant her some peace and rest soon, however He sees fit. My family would really appreciate prayer on this. Thanks.

Being lazy

I really can be so lazy, I haven't blogged because I AM LAZY!!!

Anyways, I went on my church's womens retreat the other weekend, it was so good. Very relaxing. Just like last year, God met us, brought things together how He wanted them. I love God, He never ceases to amaze me, I am so in AWE of Him. There are so many things he could chastise me for, but He is gentle and forgiving. He sent us a Saviour, sent us His son, and yet we can be so ungrateful, I can be so ungrateful.
But yes, the womens retreat was wonderful, lots of praise, love, games, and new friendships made. Awesome.

Sunday just gone, I had an opportunity to speak in church about my job at YFC. I had a 5 minute slot, so Greg (he's so good) made me a video, which went down really well, then Russ interviewed me quickly. I think it went well, it felt OK... and I didn't cry...Gil almost sounded disappointed that I didn't, he's funny.

Sunday evening we had a family birthday party for Grandma Wiebe, she turned 90 this year. The party was a little daunting as there were a lot of family there I didn't know, but it was still good, and Marla was home from Regina so we got to hang out which was good.

Monday was Pumpkin Smash, I'll put some photo's up of that soon. It was manic as usual. We had around 650 kids there, not as many as last year, but it was a school night. Gil was pleased, he felt it went well, that's a good thing.

I am very excited, Tanya is having a wine & cheese night at her place tomorrow night, it should be FUN, FUN, FUN! And Melissa is coming over beforehand for a roast dinner...yummy. Saturday Tanya & I will be going to the gym for a class, then in the afternoon/evening it is fondue time with the ladies of our old LIFE group, so girly movies and fondue...YES!!! And then I think we're having family lunch at ours on Sunday, as Marlene & Peter will be leaving for Texas early next week. So a nice full weekend.

Tagging

OK, so if you were tagged you need to quote the 5th line from your 25th blog, then you tag someone else. Sounds easy huh?

Tagged

So Allison 'tagged' me. Here's the 5th line from my 25th blog (I think):

'I love how God leads us to people , and how that meeting can be such a blessing in so many ways.'

I'm saying 'I think' because do they count photo's, and what if you blogged twice in a day? And what if you only blogged 2 lines in what you think is the 25th blog?

Well, now I tag Helen Varley, Tanya Lemke, Mark Tuma, Dan King & John Benton. Enjoy the confusion my friends!

Emotions

Where I left off....

Kadesh was so good. The whole weekend was about where we are at with God, and what are the things that get in the way. It highlighted that things that get in the way (idols) can even be good things that we just get too attached to: security, ministry fruit (where were are looking to much in that direction instead of being focused on God), approval. I know that I seek approval too much, I want everyone to like me, but am a jealous friend. I also know that I can lean too much on security here on earth instead of the real security in Jesus. I love my husband dearly, but sometimes I cling on to him too much, and make him everything, which is unfair to him and wrong of me. Don't get me wrong, we need to work together as a unit, be as one in our relationship, but in that oneness, togetherness, God & Jesus should bind us together and be the core of the relationship.

This last week has definately been draining, emotionally & physically. God has definately been trying to get my attention. And I have to admit that I have been trying to ignore His hints. I love God, and in following Jesus that means I have to trust Him. That hasn't been easy this week. He is asking me to delve in to an area full of pain, hurt and anger. Sometimes I am too good at putting things in boxes. But I know that if I don't deal with it, it'll fester and get worse. Please could you pray for me. I really need patience, forgiveness and a real whole bucket load of love, that I just don't have, I am thankful that God does though, please pray that He provides all this and more during this process.

On a lighter note, WE'RE GOING HOME TO VISIT IN MAY! Scrimping and saving can be hard, but it will be SO worth it! Can't express how excited I am. Highlights will be spending time with my family (especially Ben), and getting to hang out with my best friend Hannah - cos I miss her.
I am already praying for good weather;-)

This weekend is Thanksgiving, so Monday is a Bank Holiday (YAY). So far it has been fairly easy going. I spent 1hr 15mins (I think) on the phone to my bro, I am so glad we have cheap rates. I think that we are gonna watch a movie once the Rider game is done, I am guessing it is going well as I have heard positive noise rising from downstairs.

This picture was taken on Christmas Day at my Dad's house. From left, Step-Mum Liz, Marie-Ann, Bob, Ben, Lindsay, CHris, Carl, Sue, Dad  

Kadesh Snr High Retreat

Where are you?

That was the question that Scott asked us..... Where are you?

God knows where we are. But He still asks us that question. For our own benefit, so that we learn.

What are our idols? Wanting to be the best in everything? Climbing the career ladder? Friends? What is taking our time away from God?

Ponder on this until my next entry, I have SO much good exciting stuff to share with you.

Beautiful autumn day at Kadesh on Senior High Retreat... Praise the Lord, He blessed us with AWESOME weather. 

Yuka heading for the Blob 

GO STEVEN! 

Kristan, me & Melissa 

Kristen happy from toobing 

Tamera ready to go 

People toobing 

Playing basketball 

The dock 

We`re going on a bear hunt 

Jenna, Kyla, me, Melissa & Carissa